Pretending and Dissapointment

For the whole of last year, all i wanted was to be able to go on my school's geography trip to New York, Washington DC and L.A. I always thought that i would have the money to do it, i thought my parents would help out as well as my savings that were nicely sitting in a bank account from all my tiresome hours of laboring at my Delicatessen job in a local supermarket.
However this year, 2012, brought with me the horrible truth that it simply wasn't going to happen - no questions asked, suck it up and pretend like you never even new it existed. That's how the whole situation came across to me when the reality of the trip dawned on me for the first time.
With disappointment we sometimes just have to pretend like what ever it was that didn't work out never happened. Simply soldiering on, having our heads but our shoulders down. Everyone buzzes on with their normal lives but this little black whole in the middle of your chest is festering itself reminding you that, while you pretend on the outside that this issue doesn't effect you, it bloody well does on the inside.
So i pretended that whenever the geography teacher brought up the subject of the trip, i looked on with a poker face, a mask of expression that gave nothing away. Even when other people, like people in my classes that had experienced the trip talked about the food, famous land marks, culture, places they went hotels, airlines and the over all experience, i just pretended that my eye didn't feel like watering up, or that there wasn't a lumb at the back of my throat, or my forehead wasn't heating up.
I remember being on the phone to my dad just simply asking if he could fund the rest of the $3000 dollars that i needed to go, and then him asking me if i liked the idea of him and his wife not eating for the rest of the year sounded fear to me. I didn't know how to respond.
So i pretended. Pretended. Pretended. Pretended. And pretended. It used to be a game that i played with my pre-school friends, the game always started like this "Let's just pretend that..." and so on and so forth.
Now that game is my tactic for not going crazy to fast over normal life circumstances, but to be honest, i think i am going to be pretending my way through school for the next 2 years of my education.  
So really, i think the art of pretending should be a skill, something you can put on your resume, "Hayley is very good at pretending she likes and loves her current work situation so she will never complain at any time during work hours."
So please know that, sometimes it really isn't good to pretend that you like things or that you want something to be a certain way. What ever walk of life your in right now, pretending that you want to do something completely stupid for the sake of your friends, piers, and co-workers is not smart - hey, it could very well be the one thing that kills you. Pretending is also a form of lying, and we all know how bad lying is.
So please, what i'm trying to say is that, stop pretending your one thing when really your the other, stop pretending you like being mean towards others, and stop pretending you like your current situation. Find someone who you trust and love to talk to and tell them about your discomforts and disappointments. Don't kep it locked up, let it all out and lock it out.
Thank you :)

Port Mahadia, Echoes in Time

The new and uprising band, Port Mahadia, has released a bran new album called Echoes in Time. The album is themed as if to be traveling on a voyage  over seas oceans by ship like in the 18th century.
There are 10 tracks altogether on the album, along with amazing front cover graphics and their own youtube channel. The music itself is fresh, relevant and new with a great lead vocalist and terrific drum and guitar action.
The band has a promising future and I wish it all the best for 2012.

oxox

People who inspire me ~Long hair ~

1. Ruslana Korshanova
2. Joss Stone
3. Amy Lee
4. Torrin Page
5. Kim Petras
5. Chloe Angew
6. Rhianna
7. Lucy Loepsie

I have some clip art of all these beautiful long haired ladies, it should be here somewhere :)