Brown eyes to Blue

Basically, I come from a family of European mutts! My mother is half Dutch, Russian and my father is of Russian, Kazakhstanian decent with a hint of German that has shown more in my older brothers (26 and 23). Due to the mysterious ways of genetics, the strong genes of my dad blessed my older and younger brother's(20 and 16) and I with deep brown eyes, even though mine are a light amber, the boys have a deep dark chocolate brown. The two eldest of my brother's, however, have bright blue eyes either coming from my mother or my mother's mum and dad.


So having different colored eyes and darker hair and different features to anyone else in my family was hard because kids at school would get compliments if they had really light or brightly colored eyes and stuff like that. It was a little unfair and discouraging, kind of made me think that Blue eyes were prettier, and most girls in Russia, my home country, are VERY blonde haired and blue eyed and tall - everything I'm not, being 5, 3.2 :(
I used to hate books that described the main character or the very attractive boy or whatever as having the most deep and beautiful blue eyes...... rah rah rah BORING!!
Then to make things worse, i heard someone say (when they thought i wasn't listening) that they couldn't imagine not having blue eyes...... i mean are you serious!?!?!?!?!?

So what's the big thing about eye color??
What is prettier??
What is more beautiful??
Does it take anything away or bring anything into your life or make you more of less of a person??

I really don't think so, the same goes with make up. I no a lot young girls and and boys think that if they wear  eye make up around their eyes like Mascara and Eye liner people will look at them more. No Honey , no.

Your eyes are the gate way to your soul. Not necessarily the holder of your soul but never the less its right there when you look. Surgeons and optometrists probably won't believe that because no matter where they cut or look when it comes to the human body they don't find anything, that's why I've met a lot of doctors and the works in the medical field that don't have a religion.

Here is my list of some brown eyes lady Actors just for the fun of it :)
1. Keira Knightly
2. Natalie Portman
3. Parminda Nagra
4. Nikki Reed
5. Kate Winslet
6. Jessica Alba
7. Beyonce
8. The Veronicas
9. Hayley Steinfeld
10. Catherine Zeta Jones

Pretending and Dissapointment

For the whole of last year, all i wanted was to be able to go on my school's geography trip to New York, Washington DC and L.A. I always thought that i would have the money to do it, i thought my parents would help out as well as my savings that were nicely sitting in a bank account from all my tiresome hours of laboring at my Delicatessen job in a local supermarket.
However this year, 2012, brought with me the horrible truth that it simply wasn't going to happen - no questions asked, suck it up and pretend like you never even new it existed. That's how the whole situation came across to me when the reality of the trip dawned on me for the first time.
With disappointment we sometimes just have to pretend like what ever it was that didn't work out never happened. Simply soldiering on, having our heads but our shoulders down. Everyone buzzes on with their normal lives but this little black whole in the middle of your chest is festering itself reminding you that, while you pretend on the outside that this issue doesn't effect you, it bloody well does on the inside.
So i pretended that whenever the geography teacher brought up the subject of the trip, i looked on with a poker face, a mask of expression that gave nothing away. Even when other people, like people in my classes that had experienced the trip talked about the food, famous land marks, culture, places they went hotels, airlines and the over all experience, i just pretended that my eye didn't feel like watering up, or that there wasn't a lumb at the back of my throat, or my forehead wasn't heating up.
I remember being on the phone to my dad just simply asking if he could fund the rest of the $3000 dollars that i needed to go, and then him asking me if i liked the idea of him and his wife not eating for the rest of the year sounded fear to me. I didn't know how to respond.
So i pretended. Pretended. Pretended. Pretended. And pretended. It used to be a game that i played with my pre-school friends, the game always started like this "Let's just pretend that..." and so on and so forth.
Now that game is my tactic for not going crazy to fast over normal life circumstances, but to be honest, i think i am going to be pretending my way through school for the next 2 years of my education.  
So really, i think the art of pretending should be a skill, something you can put on your resume, "Hayley is very good at pretending she likes and loves her current work situation so she will never complain at any time during work hours."
So please know that, sometimes it really isn't good to pretend that you like things or that you want something to be a certain way. What ever walk of life your in right now, pretending that you want to do something completely stupid for the sake of your friends, piers, and co-workers is not smart - hey, it could very well be the one thing that kills you. Pretending is also a form of lying, and we all know how bad lying is.
So please, what i'm trying to say is that, stop pretending your one thing when really your the other, stop pretending you like being mean towards others, and stop pretending you like your current situation. Find someone who you trust and love to talk to and tell them about your discomforts and disappointments. Don't kep it locked up, let it all out and lock it out.
Thank you :)

Port Mahadia, Echoes in Time

The new and uprising band, Port Mahadia, has released a bran new album called Echoes in Time. The album is themed as if to be traveling on a voyage  over seas oceans by ship like in the 18th century.
There are 10 tracks altogether on the album, along with amazing front cover graphics and their own youtube channel. The music itself is fresh, relevant and new with a great lead vocalist and terrific drum and guitar action.
The band has a promising future and I wish it all the best for 2012.

oxox

People who inspire me ~Long hair ~

1. Ruslana Korshanova
2. Joss Stone
3. Amy Lee
4. Torrin Page
5. Kim Petras
5. Chloe Angew
6. Rhianna
7. Lucy Loepsie

I have some clip art of all these beautiful long haired ladies, it should be here somewhere :)

Crime to be a Coward!

The worst kind of people on this earth are the people who have the power to change something but don't.
For instance, on the but today, there was this one annoying as fuck kid who was running all over the place throwing things, yelling and swearing (mostly at me) at annoying that told him to shut up!
Even though the bus driver, who was clearly not ignoring the situation, had the power to stop him - he didn't!
He could have told that ill-mannered child to sit down and behave himself for after all it was a school bus and can be classified as public transportation.
Even if his attempts turned out to be feeble, why didn't he try? If Abraham Lincoln hadn't of done what he did in trying to free the black slavery in America, where would America or even the world for that matter be today?
Just because you think the power over others you do have isn't enough DOES NOT mean you are powerless!
Some people, like myself and others in my bus, have no power in the matter what so ever and need others more dominant in the situation for help.
My words are : "It should be a crime to be a coward!"

Being competitive -_-

Ok, so if you met me personally, you would understand that, yes i am talented but when it comes to competing against other people, i tend to shy away - alot!
Really i am loud and happy, but when it comes to stuff like sports, drama auditions and talent try outs, my heart sinks.
I love acting, singing and dancing, but i could never do it professionally because i really don't have the courage to compete with others for the very special reason that i;pm terrified that i will fail and embarrassed myself!
I remember, this one time i was SOOOOOO confident in trying out for this play of Beauty and the Beast at my school, so learnt my lines and practiced singing the audition piece 'Tale as old as Time' BUT when it came to auditioning.......... I COMPLETELY CHOKED and ended up not even going to the audition and just waiting at the bus stop outside for mum to pick me up :(
Needless to say, i'd never felt so ashamed or upset in my life, but relieved that i wasn't going to embarrass myself in front of the audition judges.
What to do, what to do about that..? Well for the next to school play auditions - i didn't go. Believing i had done the right thing, but i don't think its the whole preforming on stage thing that scares me, i believe its just the whole 'what is that girl is better than me?" yeah, that is what's wrong with me. I AM NOT COMPETITIVE!
Is that a good thing or a bad?